We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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