she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
