Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
