It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
