I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
