I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
