Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
