just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
