im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
