doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
