she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
