He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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