I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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