she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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