This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
