I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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