Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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