Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
