after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
