Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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