Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
