You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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