I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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