Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
