i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
