I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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