dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Farmville is her only friend.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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