just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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