Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
