booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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