I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
