she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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