so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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