I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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