It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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