wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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