You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
