So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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