New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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