I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
