Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
