Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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