woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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