I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
