I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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