Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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