I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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