plz talk dirty to me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
