I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
