...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
