non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
