He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
