I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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