i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
