Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
