tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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