I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
