they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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