Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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