Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
