They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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