I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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