If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
