please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
