how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
