I wish my penis had an off switch
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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