so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
