He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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