I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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