When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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