Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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