That's intense
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
